A Letter To Myself

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Dear, Ajeng.

How are you today? Good? Is everything going the way you want or the other way around? Are you still going back and forth in your mind and heart? It's okay.. It's okay.

The world is sometimes so cruel to you and your soft heart. Hey, it's okay to have a soft heart. It's okay to give your best to someone else. Be the best version of you for everyone else around you. Let them taste your sweet honey in this bitter world. You are soft at heart, but strong in mind. You clearly know what you want, what you deserve, and how to get them. Even if sometimes you lost at your own thought, you know how to get back to your sanity again. 

Remember that Allah swt loves you no matter what. The One who never leaves even if you have sins that are covering this earth and space. He is The One who always holds your hand when you feel lost, when everything is falling apart, when you are happy, when something goes not the way you want, He always near you. Don't ever feel that you are alone. Seek Him through your deepest sujood, through your sincere prayer. Seek Him no matter what you are going through. Allah knows your effort and He will certainly has answers to all of it.

It's okay to feel sad, disappointed, and mad over the things that's not going to the place you want. Feel it, but don't give it a permanent space in your heart. You still can have another good feeling for yourself. There are also many people who love you dearly, without a doubt, a rest, and even a reason. They just love you the way you are. They will protect you from anything that tried to hurt you. They are the ones that should have a permanent space in your heart and mind.

You have an amazing family, best friends and friends. They cherish you, stay by your side in your downfall, help you through difficulties, and share happiness to you. They are your energy to stay afloat in your wave of thoughts and the reasons to continue your life. They are your most precious people in this world. Keep them close to your heart, they are the light in your darkest time.

You have to understand that you don't always have happiness in your life. You are going to have a downside. You don't always give happiness to other people either, sometimes there are going to be some people who disappoint at you and you can't control it. You can't control what people think and feel about you, but you can absolutely control the way you treat them. Treat them right, treat them nicely. Give them your best side. Do good. Make sure you don't hurt people by the way you act toward them.

You are not going to walk on the flower path nor the fire path forever in this life. You certainly will walk on both of them. It's your choice to give up or to keep going even if it hurts like hell. The Ajeng I know is someone who will challenge herself to keep going even if it really hurts to walk through, because she knows she has the capability to endure the pain and she believes that there is Allah beside her every step.

I know how hard it is to go through something that you never expected to happen. It's a new experience for you. I know and I'm sure you can make gold out of that. You are going to be a lady with a beautiful mind and good attitude and it shows that bitterness makes you sweeter than before. Don't let the world wins you. You have to win against the world.

I know sometimes you walk one step ahead, but you walk two steps back again. One day you are so sure of your life, your choice, but the other day you are so doubt about it that you pull yourself back to the blanket and start questioning about everything. It's okay. Life is full of questions. Just make sure you keep going after you take a rest for a while. I know it's draining you out mentally and physically, but you have to trust yourself the most in this journey.

Jeng, keep being you. The Ajeng who will love deeply, laugh happily, and cry sadly. Be a human. Feel the feelings that coming in your way and I believe you can handle it. Last but not least, be strong. Best of luck for you, Jeng.

From,
Someone who believe in you.

"And perhaps, I need to lose my self once in a while, to learn the value of being found by Him again." (@ibtasempoetry)

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